Mother’s Day Still Brings Me Sorrow

Approaching Mother’s Day After Infertility & Miscarriage I am a mother to a daughter. This fact still brings me shock and awe. There is rarely a moment that the reality of how difficult it was for us to have our daughter isn’t with me. I’ve said praises under my breath for her at all hoursContinue reading “Mother’s Day Still Brings Me Sorrow”

To the Baby I’m Praying is in My Belly

[On the night before learning our IUI was unsuccessful] Sweet Baby, Even though right now, you are just a wish and prayer, I want you to know that I love you. You are not just a desire—you are my deepest wish, and I go to sleep every night repeating prayers that I’ve said over andContinue reading “To the Baby I’m Praying is in My Belly”

The Gift of You

Our sweet baby. God’s precious gift to our world. I will never be deserving of the gift of you.  When I first became pregnant with our daughter, I must have questioned a thousand times what I could have possibly done to deserve her. I fought so much guilt because of it, after having dealt withContinue reading “The Gift of You”

A Brief History of Januaries

The Beginning of Our Family January is a month that represents so much for our sweet family. Not only has it been a month of complete heartache and distress, as it was in January 2017 that I first found out about my troubles with infertility, but it ended up being the month that changed ourContinue reading “A Brief History of Januaries”

A Series of Promises, Part IV

Vacant Horizon You are good. I’ve spoken these words too many times to count over the last few years. Too many times to count, I’ve spoken them recently in a state in which I’ve been overwhelmed with gratitude for what our God has chosen to give us—in spite of all the bad news and theContinue reading “A Series of Promises, Part IV”

Emotional Surplus: Navigating the Many Emotions of Infertility, Foster Care, and Pregnancy

Since we found out I was pregnant in late January, I have been navigating an overwhelming surplus of emotions. Amid wrestling sheer disbelief in what my eyes and body were telling me, I also struggled with an immense amount of guilt that is embarrassing to even admit given the fact that we had just receivedContinue reading “Emotional Surplus: Navigating the Many Emotions of Infertility, Foster Care, and Pregnancy”

The Time We Were Almost a Family of Three

When Foster Placements Fall Through I am standing in front of a room that I’ve just spent the last day and a half getting ready for a little boy—looking through drawers, digging through the closet, sorting through toys to see which are age appropriate and which should be put away because he won’t need them.Continue reading “The Time We Were Almost a Family of Three”

Why I Was Afraid of Foster Care, and Why I’m Not Anymore

I’ve already cried over the goodbye multiple times. Actually, I cried over the goodbye within the first ten minutes of meeting the boys. As soon as that sweet little five-year-old boy looked at me as I held his crying baby brother in my arms and told me he wanted to take care of him, asContinue reading “Why I Was Afraid of Foster Care, and Why I’m Not Anymore”

A Series of Promises, Part III

A Likeness of Gideon Starting fertility treatment was a terrifying thing. Not only was I going to be putting my body through an incredible amount of stress, but upon agreeing to try three rounds of fertility drugs, I was opening up my mind to a whole new world of possibility, and opening up my heartContinue reading “A Series of Promises, Part III”

A Series of Promises, Part II

The Song and the Sermon It’s hard to predict the kind of things that are going to set me off. I never know what kind of things are going to prompt that hateful, pulsing lie that’s become a part of me, the one that’s been buried deep within me since I first found out weContinue reading “A Series of Promises, Part II”