Mother’s Day Still Brings Me Sorrow

Approaching Mother’s Day After Infertility & Miscarriage I am a mother to a daughter. This fact still brings me shock and awe. There is rarely a moment that the reality of how difficult it was for us to have our daughter isn’t with me. I’ve said praises under my breath for her at all hoursContinue reading “Mother’s Day Still Brings Me Sorrow”

To the Baby I’m Praying is in My Belly

[On the night before learning our IUI was unsuccessful] Sweet Baby, Even though right now, you are just a wish and prayer, I want you to know that I love you. You are not just a desire—you are my deepest wish, and I go to sleep every night repeating prayers that I’ve said over andContinue reading “To the Baby I’m Praying is in My Belly”

The Gift of You

Our sweet baby. God’s precious gift to our world. I will never be deserving of the gift of you.  When I first became pregnant with our daughter, I must have questioned a thousand times what I could have possibly done to deserve her. I fought so much guilt because of it, after having dealt withContinue reading “The Gift of You”

This One’s For You: To the One in Eight Suffering From the Grief of Infertility

This One’s For You Whose hearts long for babies— Who are parents without children to hold— Who have bodies that don’t work the way they were intended to— This is for you who’ve been told you can’t— Who’ve experienced the horror of a doctor holding your test results in their hands while giving you numbersContinue reading “This One’s For You: To the One in Eight Suffering From the Grief of Infertility”

A Brief History of Januaries

The Beginning of Our Family January is a month that represents so much for our sweet family. Not only has it been a month of complete heartache and distress, as it was in January 2017 that I first found out about my troubles with infertility, but it ended up being the month that changed ourContinue reading “A Brief History of Januaries”

A Series of Promises, Part IV

Vacant Horizon You are good. I’ve spoken these words too many times to count over the last few years. Too many times to count, I’ve spoken them recently in a state in which I’ve been overwhelmed with gratitude for what our God has chosen to give us—in spite of all the bad news and theContinue reading “A Series of Promises, Part IV”

Emotional Surplus: Navigating the Many Emotions of Infertility, Foster Care, and Pregnancy

Since we found out I was pregnant in late January, I have been navigating an overwhelming surplus of emotions. Amid wrestling sheer disbelief in what my eyes and body were telling me, I also struggled with an immense amount of guilt that is embarrassing to even admit given the fact that we had just receivedContinue reading “Emotional Surplus: Navigating the Many Emotions of Infertility, Foster Care, and Pregnancy”

New Year, New Perspective

It’s been easy for me to forget that we have so much to be thankful for. Although 2018 was filled with beautiful destinations and adventures in foreign places, with countless laughs shared with each other and many family and friends, with working hard to achieve new goals, and with exploring the uncharted territory of welcomingContinue reading “New Year, New Perspective”

The Time We Were Almost a Family of Three

When Foster Placements Fall Through I am standing in front of a room that I’ve just spent the last day and a half getting ready for a little boy—looking through drawers, digging through the closet, sorting through toys to see which are age appropriate and which should be put away because he won’t need them.Continue reading “The Time We Were Almost a Family of Three”